December 23, 2008

It’s such a shame that I deserted my blog for some time. It’s all because of the exam that I was stuck in for a week. But finally I’m done with it. I think I was doing quite well except the listening exam (who didn’t). Just forget it! But the fact I’m done with the exam doesn’t mean that I’m really free now. I still have to study one more subject called Asia Pacific Security. I will do it in one week (all days). It really suck because I have to study in a classroom which is too narrow to contain all the 3rd students of IR. And the professor’s voice is too low (this is just an excuse because anyway I won’t listen to him whether his voice is low or loud ^^). I really really don’t like it. But just put all the study stuff aside, I have a wonderful season to celebrate. Last Sunday, I attended a Xmas party thrown by IREC COOL. Actually, the party was such a mess but I kind of loved it. I loved it because of the people who contributed to it. Everybody tried their best to make it a unforgettable party although everything didn’t go as well as they wanted. And I really loved the comedy in this party. My, Dzu and Phu were doing a great job. They were so hilarious and talented that I couldn’t help laughing like a psycho. In short, this was a party that I would never forget (in good way). Now I’m sitting here, thinking about the 24th December night. I don’t know what I’m gonna to celebrate it. I don’t dare to go out because all the streets will be crowed on that night. I would like to go to some cafeteria but I can’t find anyone to accompany with me. Haiz. Maybe I will be staying home and playing Gunbound. Is it a way to celebrate a day like that. It’s definitely not but… Someone take me out tomorrow please!

How high is the price of love?

If Love were standing in front of me and asked me: “What are you prepared to give for me?” – I don’t know what I would say. Wait. Maybe I’d ask: “What have I done to you? Why did you jerk me around like that?” And then I’d shake him til his thoughts get whirled around like mine do. A storm in a glass of water.
And still: Whatever happens and whoever sent my feelings to war: I still believe in the power of love (but please don’t tell anybody I said that). Maybe I’m stupid. Maybe naive. But maybe hopes dies last. Even though my heart is lying in pieces on the ground right now and other people are dancing the samba on it – I can feel that in the end love will give me a chance. It’s just that it’s hard not to lose faith. Especially when love stabs you in the back, you will have doubts. Because love also hurts. But still…
It is the greatest of all feelings. We give everything for love… Really, everything? Is that too high a price? Would we be prepared to pay for love with our lives? If you’re destined for each other, the world can end – but at least you’re not alone. It’s better to drown together than to burn alone. Love burns – but maybe that’s only true when your love isn’t big enough. Maybe sometimes you believe in the love of your life, even though they’re not the one. Maybe our feelings are too small to ever become big enough so that you can go through everything together.
I wish I could get my courage back to leave the past behind me. With renewed strength, without old wounds. That’s why I let my soul write the words. Some day I will courageously laugh in the face of my fate.

December 11, 2008

Everything was so funny today. I went to school at 6h30 and the I realized that my class would take place in the afternoon instead of the morning. Yeah! What a dumb ass am I! So my gang and I decided to go around to have some fun. Firstly, we went to Nguyen Hue bookstore to, according to Bich Linh, look for some Korean-Vietnamese dictionary. There, we got some problems with finding the place to keep our bikes and it really made us so so uncomfortable. I don’t want to go into detals because it’s really complicated. Putting aside all the anger, we walked into the bookstore and had a look at everything, from books to stationaries, from toys to souvenirs. It was such a big joy when we all checked a book and criticized it. Is it good? Is it bad? Is it funny? Is it stupid? Yeah, we gave comments to everything that catched our eyes. I thought we made some noises and maybe it annoyed everyone there. But who cares? We had fun and it was one thing that mattered. Tired of wandering around the bookstore, we left and went to -18 to have some drink. As usual, it was full of people and the music was too loud, which I hate the most there. We drank, we talked, we laughed… Then, at 12h we said goodbye and got home. That meant we would drop our class in the afternoon. Haha, that is certain.
When I got home, I felt very tired. So I had lunch and went to bed immediately. I woke up at 16h and then I watch a movie called “The bunny house”. This movie is really great and hilarious. If you love the main actress in the series “Scary movie”, you should watch this movie. She ,with her super stupid face, did a very good job in this movie, which would make you laugh like you’ve never laughed before.
In the evening, I burnt a CD for Nga’s birthday. There are many kinds of music in this CD. It contains 3 parts. Parts 1 are some songs about birthday. Part 2 are some Christmas songs and part 3 are several songs that I think she would like (actually these songs are my favourite ones ^^). I think this CD is great and she will love it.
That’all for today. Now, I will try to learn some Geopolitics, which I don’t want to and I hope that something will get into my head today. God bless me!

December 08, 2008

Today was a terrible day. I woke up with a headache and felt very tired. I didn’t want to do anything but lying idly on my bed. So I just lay there and watched “Verbotene Liebe” for the second time. And then everyting got worse when I had some tough conversation with my friend, which made my headache become more terrible. I thought he really had some problems with others and with himself and it’s such a shame I couldn’t do anything. In the evening, I felt so sick that I couldn’t go to my French class. Thus, I think I would end up my day just by lying like a dead corspe hoping that I would get better tomorrow.
P/S: There are already the nominations for Grammy award. You can check it out on www.grammy.com.

Movies - good or bad!

I think I have been watching too many movies. And definitely it has some negative impacts on me. Thanks to those, all I can see is just a virtual life which is so wonderful and fabulous. In other words, I’m observing a “la vie en rose”. There, everyone in the world is all supermodels. The girls are beautiful, tall, flat-stomached with irresistible lips. The guys are handsome, muscular with deadly smiles. There, everyone just has to work 15 minutes per day tops and they spend the rest of their time on hanging out at some cafeteria, pubs or clubs. There, if they are fed up with their current work, they can quit anytime and easily get a better job which suddenly turns out to be a job that they have been dreaming of since they were children. There they are so in love with each other and if they do something hurting each other, a romantic act will be a effective solution for all the problems. In some case where the problem is so big that they can’t make it up, they will go to other countries which are usually some developed ones to forget their past and begin a new life… In general, life in those movies is simply wonderful and full of happy endings.
Back to reality, life is not that simple. In the real life, everything is contrary to what shown in those movies. Here, you have to look around til you hurt your eyes just to find an average person that seems to match you eyes at some dimensions. Here, you have to work at least 8 hours per day and when your work is off, you are so tired that you just want to go home and take a sleep instead of hanging around and having some fun with your friends. Here, in order to find a quite acceptable job you have to try your best and once you lose it, you’ll be pissed off for a very very long time before getting some job that’s not your interest. Here, it’s hard to find your true love and it’s even harder for you to keep it up. If you do something that hurts him/her a little bit, a night with roses and candles can hardly solve anything. And when a beak-up happens, you can’t go anywhere but locking yourself in your room and cry the shit out of you. Yes, that’s it. Welcome to a real life which is more complicated than what you think.
But it doesn’t mean that movies are bad and I should stop watching them. Living in such a crazy world, sometimes you need something to hold on whether it is virtual or real. Watching those movies can give you some hopes and dreams when this world lets you down. You may think that in some case, life is not as bad as it seems. Maybe there are still some good things somewhere which are waiting for you to discover. Maybe someday you will have everything that the characters have. And above all, those movies can make you believe that there are miracles in this real life that you can’t anticipate or figure out. So just live your life the way it’s meant to be and don’t ever give up however hard everything can be.
Me, I will keep watching movies.

December 05, 2008

This afternoon, I watched the movie named “Garden state”. I didn’t know why Imdb could give it 7.9 marks while I found it really boring and meaningless. It was just all about a loser who fell in love with a country girl when he got home to attend his mother’s funeral. In short, this movie really sucked and I regretted all my time I’d wasted on it.
Then I went to a barber’s to have my hair cut. A barber guy recommended me to have some haircut called “fish tail”. I thought “Why not?” and then let him do it. When he finished, I realized that my hair didn’t change much. Wouldn’t it be great? Now I can meet my friends and say” Hey guys! Look at me! I’m same old brand new me!”. What a haircut!
When I was done with my haircut, it was just 4h50 and my French class would begin at 5h30. So I decided to take a walk to Notre Dame church to grab some coffee. When I reached there, I saw a bunch of bald Northern guys. I wondered where they were from and why they were bald. I guessed they were from some pagodas or somewhere like that. They had been taking pictures with the church, which made me find them really ridiculous. I ordered a “milk and coffee” and then realized that its price had turn into 7k. It made me a little bit shocked because as I knew, the price of gasoline was decreasing considerably. The woman selling coffee said that the reason why it was more expensive was that the price of milk was increasing. Ok, she had the point and I had nothing to complain. As a matter of fact, I thought it would reach 10k soon.
My French class today really sucked. The exercises were so boring and difficult that I felt tired and sleepy. I just wanted to go home and took a nap. When I got home, I heard that the date of my Geopolitics’ exam was moved to 18/12. Oh my god! It was such a relief! That was the best thing happening to me today.

I'd better mind my own business (for Nga)

Hey Nga, I have to admit something with you. Because I see you as my best girlfriend, I want to make it straight between us. When I read your latest entry, I felt a little bit depressed. Actually, I feel so stupid about what I talked to you. Earlier, you showed me that you had a super big problem with him. But in your entry, I can see that it’s just one of your ordinary problems between you and him. That’s the reason why I felt so so stupid about what you and I had discussed. I don’t know why but I really felt it. I think what we’ve done is such a waste. I thought you were really down and you needed someone to stand by you at that time. I found all the ways to encourage you. I defended for him so you can rethink about your decisions. But when I read your entry, all of those became meaningless. I feel like I was just so fake. I tried to be a real best friend and I made the situation more serious than it seemed. Do you think I made a mistake? Do you think I was such a drama queen. I don’t know myself. But right now I feel like there’s something not right. Maybe, for the best, I should mind my own business when I don’t know well about others’ businesses.
P/S: I don’t blame you at all. I just want to come clean. Don’t get me wrong.

December 03, 2008

When deciding to write my entries in English, I know I’m taking a risk of my blog being deserted by everyone. But it’s no big deal because at first I determined that I would write for myself. I was not trying to display anthing else. If someone really cares and wants to know something about me, they will read what I’m writing whether it’s in Vietnamese or English or French. Besides, right now I want to do something more different, maybe something more “international”. And deep inside my heart, I know I change my writing style for one more reason. I hopefully patheticly think that one day someone special can read my mind via my blog. That’s all I want to talk about my changing.
Today is one of my recent ordinary days. I woke up and had bruch at 10 a.m. Then I wandered around my house and had dinner at 2 p.m. I watched some movies that I had downloaded before. I listened to the music that I had listened zillion times. And I checked the blog of someone who I thought used to be kind of special for me. But nothing changed. She was still stuck in her own mess, with all her imaginary fantasies. I was a little bit dissapointed. But what can I do? I think I’m nothing to her now and there’s nothing I can do to fix it. So I just let go…
This evening, I will go to some bookstore to buy a greeting card for my French dad. I’ll send it with my letter and I hope this time he can really see it as a real letter that a son writes to his father. And he can see that in some ways we’re really father and son, not some guys who connect to each other by some financial aid program. I really hope so.

My vices (inspired by Mason)

Today, when checking out my secret love’s blog, I learned about Seven deadly sins. Do you guys have any ideas about these? They are seven vices that are very popular. I think all of us have at least one of these. They are Lust, Gluttony, Greed, Sloth, Wrath, Envy and Pride. After doing some research about them, I realize that I’m going to die soon. That’s truly fucking right. I have mostly all of them. Yeah, just check it out. I have Lust which has been torturing me everyday. I have Gluttony which made me become a big fat loser nowadays. I have Greed which makes me a pervert for being so cruel sometimes. I have Sloth which makes me unable to reach something that I know I can. I have Wrath which always makes me desire to kill someone who maimed me even a little. And I have Envy which makes me unsatisfied with what I have. Luckily, I think Pride is not my vice, at least up to now. So as you can see, I have six out of seven. That means I’m not innocent. That means I’m not healthy. That also means I’m going to hell soon if I don’t find some ways to eliminate or at least limit these vice. If I don’t do so, some guys will come and take me away from this beautiful life. Who are they? They are demons or monsters or any evil that you have on your mind. They are Mammon, Asmodeus, Leviathan, Beelzebub, Satan and Belphegor. I’m glad to know that Lucifer is not one of them. I think that because in some ways I still have my humility. So what do I need now to avoid being taken to hell by those guys? It is said that right now I need something that is so hard to find and harder to hold. They are Chasity, Temperance, Charity, Diligence, Patience and Kindness. Oh God! Please grant me the strenght and the courage to find all those things in my own soul so that I can keep on living my life. There are many thinng waiting for me in the future and I don’t want to lay down before touching them. Please bless me, my dear God!

Je rêve a France

Chuyện là mình đang mơ mộng được đi học ở Pháp. Nguyên do cho cái sự mơ mộng này là từ bà Nga mà ra hết. Không biết có động lực gì thúc đẩy mà bả lại quyết định đi học ở Pháp mặc dù bây giờ một chữ tiếng Pháp bẻ đôi bả cũng không biết. Thế là nguyên ngay hôm qua bả ngồi vẽ ra một viễn cảnh du học Pháp đẹp lộng lẫy trước mắt mình. Nào là hai đứa mình sẽ đi chung với nhau, sẽ ở chung ở Paris (còn có chung nhà chung phòng chung giường hay không thì tính sau). Nhiêu đó chưa đã, hai đứa còn ngồi tưởng tượng cảnh tay trong tay đi dạo ở Khải hoàn môn, ngắm tháp Eiffel. Đi mệt thì kiếm một quán café terrase ngồi uống café, ăn bánh croissant. Ôi chỉ nghĩ đến thế thôi là mình đã thấy rần rần trong người rồi. Mà nói chung cái mà đã gọi là mơ mộng thì nó rất khó để mà thực hiện. Nhưng dù sao đối với mình, khả năng đi du học Pháp có lẽ là cao hơn đi các nước khác. Thứ nhất là quan hệ Việt Nam – Pháp khá là thân thiết, vì vậy thủ tục này nọ cũng đơn giản hơn. Thứ hai là chi phí, đây là vấn đề quan trọng đây. Chi phí học cũng như sinh hoạt ở Pháp có thể nói là rẻ hơn các nước như Anh, Mỹ hay Úc. Vì vậy mình cũng có quyền mơ mộng chứ. Bà Nga thì chắc sure khoảng 70% là có thể đi rồi. Mình thì nếu muốn vậy thì cần phải cố gắng nhiều. Việc cần làm đầu tiên là phải cố gắng học tiếng Pháp. Mình học không tệ nhưng bị cái lười. Học thì chỉ học trên lớp thôi, về nhà cái là quăng hết sách vở ngay. Từ nay phải chăm chỉ hơn mới được. Mỗi ngày phải coi bài cho kỹ và siêng học từ mới hơn. 21/12 này là thi bằng DELF A2 rồi. Cố lên thôi. Paris đang chờ mình. Hehe.